I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
