to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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