she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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