just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
