who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
