a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
