How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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