dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
