Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
