forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
