i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
