Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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