you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
