i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
