The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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