Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
