smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
