I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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