At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
