He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
