i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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