....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
