Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
