My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
