I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize