You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
