Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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