So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
