Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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