A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
