# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
