dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize