if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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