get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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