I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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