yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
