I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
