Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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