Got a toothbrush?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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