Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
