the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
