My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
