So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
from now on my penis is your penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
