Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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