I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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