Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
