Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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