He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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