Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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