Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well you can't waste a boner
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
being pregnant is like rehab
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
