I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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