I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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