i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
