ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
