my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
