Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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