Green mimosas i think yes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
