So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
