Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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