I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize