Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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